I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
