I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
