So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
