Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
