i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
