Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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