What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just gargled with NyQuil
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
