I am spending my child support on dildos
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
