Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
