I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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