Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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