Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize