I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
