He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
