jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
