so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
