Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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