You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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