I just saw a hot homeless man
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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