This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
