I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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