And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
