how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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