Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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