i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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