Just cropdusted the office
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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