fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
