Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
