My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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