No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
