i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
