if only i could text you this smell
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
