Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize