HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
