just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
