I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
