They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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