proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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