Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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