If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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