Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
