Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We smell like vodka and hangover
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