I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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