quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
