...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
