It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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