Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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