My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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