Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize