That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
