she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
this hospital has no fireball
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
