So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
