Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
