well I can't set my house on fire every night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
NoShamevember. You game?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize