Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
