I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
