I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
